My Fitness Journey …

So, for those of you who follow me on Twitter, you will probably know that I’ve really been pushing it at the gym lately. I love the post-gym feeling and really enjoy lifting weights! But, my plan is to (first of all) get lean through cardio exercise and then start on serious weight training. I’ve stayed true to my word about stepping up my fitness levels since leaving hospital 3 months ago on May 5th and have been going to the gym regularly. But, I still feel somehow that I’m trying to find my path in darkness. Sometimes I feel invincible and highly energised post workout, at other times I feel totally exhausted and run down – thus triggering several days off in a row. I just don’t feel that my sessions are as effective as they could be. So I’ve decided that I need a plan. A plan that can sustain the lifestyle change I’m trying to execute and a plan that will hopefully serve me well in the long run as far as my well-being is in question. All the experts say that plans should be realistic and flexible, so here goes my shot at it. At the end of the month, I will revise the plan and evaluate pros and cons discussing any possible changes I might be considering.

PLAN – Month 1

Attend the gym 3 times a week. Ideally with a rest day in-between each workout.

Nutrition: Prepare balanced meals calculating macros. CUT amount of bread eaten.

Long term – Take progress shots

Sleep – Sleep well

Although this looks to be a physical challenge, it really is as much of a mental challenge as it is physical. My sister Manon has always been really fit – she’s a keen runner and goes to the gym daily. 3 months ago when I started my fitness journey and joined her at the gym, I thought the whole thing would be really easy. Turn up, work-out, feel great and do the same thing all-over again. But, it hasn’t been as easy as that!  I’ve  had days where I can’t get up and even make tea, days where depression reigns supreme. I’ve had days where I feel that I’m peddling as fast as I can only to crash into dead-ends. I often think, what difference will exercising make if the Psychiatric pills I have to take are weight gain pills? Motivation when I’m low is incredibly difficult to grab onto and negativity will more often develop into more negativity, low-self esteem and counter-productive thoughts. This deep dark smog of negativity is the only thing that can come in-between myself and fitness success and unfortunately it shows its ugly head more often than I’d like.

Acceptance

I’m not saying I want to love myself – my aim is to be able to accept what I see in the mirror. Mirrors can’t lie, so they tell me – but the human brain can and I’m pretty sure that mine has been lying to me for the greater part of the last 4 years. Truth is, I have seen what I wanted to see in those mirrors, not what was *actually* there – and believe me, there’s a huge difference between both! So, I’ve been wonderfully delusional for the last 4 years. Now, something has to change.  So, as the curtains open and my fitness journey begins – I exit stage left. My eyes are peeled and I’m determined that I’m not falling back into delusional mode. This story is real and cannot be played on some stage somewhere in my mind where delusion and fiction are let to run free and rule.

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