I’m sorry that I’ve been away for so long. I suppose I’ve been going through a real blizzard in my life. Mental health has felt like such a huge challenge to overcome, I’ve dug my head in the sand, even though I’m out of the mental institution since 2 months.
Mental health is a part of me. I have felt that for every living day. But, I have also come to hate the burden that it forces on me. I have been exercising frequently and have been thinking about other hobbies I might want to explore to make me feel worthy in a real and fast-living world. These are all worthwhile things that can help control emotional regulation and mental health crisis in my world.
Recently, I filmed a TV programme and recorded a Radio Interview on national media networks in Wales – sincerely thanking the gentleman that spoke me down from Brittania Bridge when I was insistent on ending my own life. I don’t think I fully understood at the time how much strength thanking the gentleman in public and on national networks would take me. I’m so pleased looking back that I was strong enough to do it at the time. But, now, comes the time and line, where I solidly acknowledge and thank all who helped me through those dark hours – and I prepare to start a new chapter.
I feel I cannot keep living those dark hours of suicide. I now feel I need space between mind, metal illness and myself. I’m not ashamed or embarrassed by my mental health experience but it feels counter-productive to reference back to such chaotic times in my life.
Mental health is life. It is of course, more than one element of life. I am working now on re-building my whole life. Mental health is all we really have in life. I doubt that I previously grasped this fact – a fact that is so central to well being. Mental health is life.
So, please stick by me whilst I make sense of this labyrinth. Whilst I cease talk of inpatient care and I build the concrete bricks of my life as it is in reality. I guess I’ll have to re-discover them before building the bricks of my spirituality.
Love, Malan x